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Who cares if they flash their front bumpers?Of the remaining 2,701, 2100 pose in their
birthday suits often, usually after their plastic surgeon makes a regularly scheduled emergency house call.Of
the remaining 601, just 79 have yet to wear their birthday suits in public,
leading to persistent rumors of an undercover plot.In February, 2004, the plot was uncovered.
Celebrities seek publicity so we don't die of boredom.Maybe it's just me, but I
didn't know that part of the body had an audio track.If they institute a ten-second
audio delay, they should at least make it interesting. What?!? Isn't that what
celebrities do? Isn't that their contribution to society? Garbage collectors collect garbage so
we don't die of disease. Had she revealed both things, like most celebrities,
we probably would still be yawning.Let's do the math. Janet's Jackson's exposure became
the all-time top Internet search -- surpassing even the September 11 attack on America.
Even Osama's sinister terrorists could not banish Americans to cyberspace as effectively as Janet
Tn Requin Jackson, who obviously found a way to evade pop-up blockers.Fortunately, nobody died from Janet
Jackson's stunt. Why not ask the audience for a one-minute applause delay?Of course,
there was the predictable outcry about "the children". Aaaarrrgh!And did anybody notice
what repugnant violence they slipped in around the commercials? Football. That
outcry did not extend to the commercials. Big whoop-dee-do.The Grammy Award organizers imposed a ten-second
audio delay to prevent other celebrities from also seeking publicity. They are strictly
there to maintain the required quota of violence. Unfortunately, she did not reveal
how bored we have become with run-of-the-mill celebrity nudity. If you watched the Super
Bowl, you know that Janet Jackson revealed one of two things. If only
we could convince Osama to adopt the "Janet Jackson Method" in the future, we
would all be much safer.Which brings me to the point of this article: what's
the big deal? Celebrity # 2623 reveals that she is almost as feminine
925 silver as her brother. She revealed how silly and paranoid otherwise normal human beings
can get. They are not even supposed to touch the ball. And
why not make it really interesting? I'm a big fan of audience participation.
There are 6,517 celebrities, according to the Celebrity Census Bureau, applying the official
"celebrity accounting method".Of those, 86.5* are "revolting", again using the CCB's "celebrity accounting
method", so nobody really wants to pay attention to their finer details.Of the remaining
6,430.5 celebrities, 3,729.5* are male, using no particular accounting method. Farmers grow
food so we don't die of starvation. -- where half the players on each team
exist just to bash into half the players on the other team. Or the
one with children swearing.This being a family column, I can't even pick on those commercials,
which is the most frustrating torture a humor columnist can endure. Like the
one about the male potency drug. I say add a 30-second video delay,
too. No outcry there.And what about the streaker? Did you notice the security
guards chasing him out onto the field so that everyone could get a good look
at his birthday suit? Why didn't they chase him in the other direction?
Did they accept a little payola? Who's investigating them? Where's the
outcry?When Janet Jackson showed just how deep her cleavage runs, where were the
security guards? A conspiracy, perhaps? More payola? Or perhaps they knew the difference
between full frontal (and backal and sidal) nudity on the one hand and just
a little teasing in the other?If you worry about "the children", why not get your
kids decontaminated? Turn on a nice, wholesome station whose entire existence is dedicated to
serving America's youth: MTV.* Michael JacksonAbout The AuthorDavid Leonhardt writes the Happy Guy humor column:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.htmland A Daily Dose of Happiness: http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html.He also wrote Climb Your Stairway to
Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness: http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.htmland The Get Happy Workbook: http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-workbook.htmlInfo@thehappyguy.com.

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